The Chilly Contrarian
Tami was a dedicated shit-stirrer, a contrarian, an anarchist-lite. If she was expected to do one thing, she was certain to do the other… at least as long as her friends were looking. Tami was 24 now, and she was, internally, ready to shed the angsty, “don’t fuck with me” act, but her friend group thought of her as the cool, independent one, and lived in awe of her. Tami wasn’t ready to give that up.
So when she saw that sign, in black and white- “NUDITY IS PROHIBITED IN PINELLAS COUNTY PARKS”- her heart sank into her stomach. Tami had just wanted a fun, relaxing walk on the beach. But Alexa and Yuriko were with her, and she knew what was about to happen.
“Oh my god!” Yuriko ran up to the sign and cackled. “This is sooooo funny! Imagine someone actually walking around here naked!” Alexa laughed too, and turned expectantly to Tami.
“I mean, why not?” Tami said flippantly. “People get way too fucking hung up on nudity. It’s just tits and dicks. They should grow up.” She hoped this little tirade would be enough to keep her cred, and she attempted to walk on.
Alexa smirked. “Why don’t you get naked, then?” Tami froze. “I mean, it’s not a big deal, right?” Forcing a smug grin, Tami turned around and peeled off her black band shirt.
“Yeah, what the fuck, right?” Tami laughed, tossing the shirt away to reveal her lacy black bra. She quickly unbuttoned and unzipped her shorts, and they followed her shirt to the ground. Yuriko gasped and giggled in amused surprise. Tami’s hands felt stiff and slow as they reached toward the clasp of her bra, but eventually, they undid the hooks and flung the bra away.
“Cute little titties, Tami!” Alexa said before bursting into snorting, ugly laughter. Tami resisted the urge to cover her nipples and pushed her gray thong to the ground.
“There! Fuck you, Pinellas County!” Tami shouted, giving the sign the finger with both hands. She suddenly gasped, covering her mouth. They had been alone on the beach, but what if someone had heard? She was buck fucking naked out here, and anyone could come along and see her! Tami felt like she was going to puke.
Alexa and Yuriko, bright red and choking for laughter, didn’t even notice. “Hey!” Yuriko shouted. “You know what would be even more amazing? If we took a picture of you next to the sign!” Tami really had to choke back the nausea this time. She wanted to say ‘Fuck no, I’m not letting you take a pic of my naked pussy!’
But instead, Tami said “Fuck yes, let’s do it!” Fighting every urge in her body, she ran up to the sign and wrapped an arm around the top. Wearing a dumbstruck smile, Tami couldn’t believe she was letting Alexa and Yuriko save this moment for all time. She believed it even less when Alexa shared it with their group chat later that night. And she believed it least of all when the picture went viral and ended up on the local news.
I knew a girl like this back in college. I felt bad for her, but I can't deny it was fun to watch her. Originally posted on Tumblr in 2018.